Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard

July 8

On The Last Exit: The show was a bit calmer after the past month of special
anniversary shows which were all filled with extreme chaos, but it was still
quite crowded and busy. David from Lotus Project was back as co-host, and
Just Joe was back after being absent the week before. In his telling of
where he had been, we had confirmed for us once again Just Joe's stupidity
(not that it was ever in doubt). He arrived acting very belligerent and
saying that he was hardcore now. He said that he hadn't been there the
previous week because he had been in jail. However, as the details came out,
slowly, it turned out that he had never actually been behind bars, only
arrested. He had side swiped a parked car. Now why would this cause him to
be arrested you might ask. Well, the police discovered that he was driving
without a license, it had apparently been suspended. Then Ian informed us
that he to had been in an accident. his involved running into a tree - with
a lawn mower, and from that experience winding up with a bad case of hives
(from being allergic to the tree). Just Joe kept attacking The Yeti (Ian).
They got into many fights in one of which Just Joe bit Ian. The Penguin was
also there, and Gorgar was back after 3 weeks absence. On top of all this,
add 2 bands. The original thought was that the band Pretty Suicide would be
on for an interview at the beginning of the night after their concert, and
then Lacey the singer from the industrial band Nocturne would call in at
around 3 a.m. to talk about her bands upcoming show on Wednesday July 7th.
But both bands wound up being late. It was thought that Pretty Suicide were
not coming after all, but then they arrived around 3 a.m.. They had been on
the show briefly earlier in the year, but that night 5 bands were on, so it
was a short interview. Now they were there quite awhile, and we were able to
hear a lot more from them, and several of their songs. They were cool. Lacey
was late calling in as well, which turned out to be a good thing, As Pretty
Suicide got there at the time she was supposed to call. She called about 4
a.m. and talked about her band and their upcoming concert. We got to hear
some music from Nocturne and the other bands who will be on the show. They
rocked. So, as you can see, it was a very full show...Lots of people there
and a lot going on... 
___________________________________

July 16

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was finally rested up and recovered
enough from his last visit 7 weeks ago (on May 14th into 15th) to put in
another appearance. Jeffie arrived and seemed glad to se Shoebox. Shoebox,
however, did not reciprocate that feeling...Right away a fight between them
ensued when Jeffie went to hug Shoebox. Then Jeffie said he had a great
magic trick for them all which he had been practicing all week. No one was
very anxious to see it, but, of course, that did not deter Jeffie. He
brought out an orange plush monkey and said he was going to perform some
magic trick on it. He put the monkey into his pants (where most things
around Jeffie end up) and after a bit brought out of his pants according to
Shoebox's description, a bristly multi-colored monkey. It was thought that
that was supposed to have been the trick but judging from Jeffie's reaction
it was apparently not what he had had in mind (or what passes for a mind for
him anyway). He kept asking what had happened to his monkey and what they
had done to it. Who knows what the trick was supposed to have been. Then
Jeffie tried to take Shoebox up the stairs with him, but of course this plan
didn't work out too well for Jeffie as it never does. He, as always, got to
the top of the stairs and then came flying down to the great amusement of
all present except for him. You'd think that it would sink in for even him
eventually that he just can not go up those stairs, but, then again, it is
Jeffie we're talking about here, so maybe it never will after all. Later,
Jeffie had that electronic musical keyboard again and said he was going to
perform a new song.. But when he started playing, it turned out to be just
"Push That Bootie" again (he claimed it was the industrial remix). They
stopped him from performing which he was upset about. Then Lance brought
back Death Metal Karaoke after it's weeks absence. He did a truly marvelous
rendition of Marteka's "Toy Soldiers" :) There were many beat downs and
brawls throughout the whole show. And so that was Shoebox's appearance. Now
we will have to wait another 6 to 8 weeks for him to recover sufficiently
enough from it to pay us another visit.

On The Last Exit: It was rather a quiet show for once after many weeks of a
lot of activity which is nice it's always good to have a change of pace for
variety. And it was, of course, entertaining and funny as always. Just Joe
and Ian were there, and they kept getting into fights with each other.
However, this night Ian managed to remain untraumatized although Just Joe
attempted to traumatize him one last time just before Ian was about to
leave. Just Joe attacked Ian and they had a long noisy brawl. However, when
asked at the end of said brawl if he was traumatized, Ian said no, just in a
lot of pain as Just Joe had hurt his knee. Just Joe kept lobbying to have
Elf played, still as yet unsuccessfully although not for lack of a lot of
effort. And so it was a somewhat quieter night, but there was still quite a
bit of violence, and a lot of silliness and fun as always... 
______________________________________

July 23

On The Metallic Onslaught: No Shoebox as he is still recovering from his
last appearance on MO, (or, err, perhaps, because he was performing
somewhere). That electronic musical keyboard started playing Wham's "Wake Me
UP Before You Go Go" (it seems to do that a lot), and Jeffie arrived
claiming that as his intro music. He excitedly informed us that he now
finally has learned to use the internet and thus now has an e-mail address
(jeff@thelastexit.org) and a place on Myspace (www.MySpace.com). He claimed
that this would make him an even bigger star than he already is (star in his
own mind anyway if in no one else's). :) Most of the rest of the show
consisted of brawls between Jeffie and Lance, as they evidently have not
learned how to share and/or take turns like good children, they kept
fighting over the keyboard... Jeffie would do his idea of playing good music
on it (pretty much just random playing that sounded like what a child might
do - an untalented child), and, Lance would grab it away from him... Lance
played what he called blast beats, which also sounded a lot like machine gun
fire... Jeffie and Lance kept grabbing the keyboard away from each other,
trying to hit each other with it, and brawling for control of it. Lance
thought he had put Jeffie out a couple times, but this Jeffie is quite
resilient and durable, so he kept coming back...

On The Last Exit: The Yeti (Ian), The Enforcer (Harold), Just Joe, and The
Penguin were all there. So was Gorgar who was back after being gone for a
week. First, after some bizarre country song titles were read, on of which
was "If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I'd blow It All On You", Ian tried to
put a nickel up his nose. After apparently succeeding at that, he then moved
on to a quarter, which he reported was much harder to do. Then it was
decided that there should be a test run, err, I mean, walk of Take Your
Pants For A walk Day... So, Just Joe and Ian got in the giant pants and
along with The Penguin and The Enforcer (who were not in the pants, but
accompanied them) went out for a trial walk. When they returned, they
reported on their adventure... Just Joe went down a slide in the giant
pants, and they got a couple of skater chicks to skateboard together in the
pants. Then Just Joe was told that they had a surprise for him which he was
really going to like... They were finally going to play what he had been
lobbying for so long... Just Joe was really happy at first, but as the music
played, he broke into it complaining loudly and saying that he hated all of
them. Evidently he did not appreciate all of the hard work that went into
finding Alf's music. He claimed that that was not what he had asked for and
that they knew that. They "played" dumb and said they had no idea what he
was talking about. However, he then claimed that he had moved on from Elf,
and is now lobbying to get Triumph played. He was told in no uncertain terms
"NO!". And we were told about the new poll on the web site, which everyone
should go to and vote on, on what you like best about the show. So, an
amusing show as always... 
________________________________________

July 30

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox, no. The electronic musical keyboard
began playing "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", and Jeffie arrived. Jeffie
thought Lance was acting strangely (as if he should talk about anyone else
acting strange!), so he decided that giving Lance a message would help.
Lance apparently did not enjoy Jeffie's attempt to give him the message, for
some reason, and they got into a brawl. Next, after Jeffie had read the show
listings, he decided that he would be all metal and cool and set them on
fire. However, he accidentally set himself on fire as well. All present
thought this was awesome (except Jeffie) and were hoping that this would
finally cause his demise. As he asked them for help, they were giving him
helpful instructions like telling him to run (which, just in case anyone
doesn't know, :p is exactly what you should not do if you are on fire. Not,
that is, if you want to live. Sorry, just thought I should put that in to
cover myself, after all, with all the ridiculous lawsuits, and stupid
people, you can't be too careful. So, remember, kids, that's not proper fire
safety procedure!).. :) However, Rick wasn't thinking, and told Jeffie he
should give himself a swirly. On this advice, Jeffie dunked himself in the
toilet, which put out the fire. They were annoyed with Rick for telling
Jeffie how to save himself. But soon after this, Jeffie began eating a piece
of doughnut, and choked on it. He turned red, then purple, and then passed
out. Lance reported that he was dead. They asked if he was sure. Lance began
kicking and beating on Jeffie. Absolutely no response. Lance said he was
sure Jeffie was dead. They played Jeffie's death them song, and rejoyced..
However, when they came back for the next talk break, Jeffie was very much
alive. They were upset with Lance for getting their hopes up. He said that
Jeffie had been dead, and he had no idea why he wasn't now. Jeffie had not
much memory of the incident. There was a lot of playing on the keyboard.
Lance and Jeffie got into some more fights. Lance set Jeffie's shirt on
fire. Since he had learned from Rick what to do, Jeffie ran into the
bathroom, took off the shirt, and threw it in the toilet. He then emerged
half naked of course. They tried to convince him that he was dead, and that
he should go into the light and that all the other Jeffie's would be there
waiting for him.. Jeffie was skepticle at first, and didn't think that he
was dead, but, finally he went looking for the light. They thought they had
gotten rid of him, but he was back shortly, saying that he couldn't find the
light.. Now, Lance did something that in light of what had happened earlier,
doesn't too bright. He had set Jeffie's shirt on fire, and, thus, Jeffie was
now half naked... So, what does Lance do now? You guessed it! He set his
pants on fire.  Jeffie ran in the bathroom, took his pants off, and threw
them in the toilet which he said was getting full. He then came out
completely naked and rejoined Lance. Lance let out a tremendous scream and
disappeared to Jeffie's bewilderment. They asked what had happened to Lance,
and Jeffie said that he didn't know..Then he said that he thought Lance had
gone into the light...

On The Last Exit: Just Joe didn't get there until 2 a.m.. But, when asked
where he had been, he was very vague, and never gave an answer. He seemed
quite sleepy and subdued for him, and apparently only had one eye.. Gorgar
was also there. The show was kind of quiet and calm, which is also nice...
And, remember, you all should go to the web site, www.thelastexit.org and
vote in the poll telling what you like best about the show... 
_________________________________________

August 6

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox... No, of course not... There was another
one of those "guest" appearances of someone claiming to be from Metallica...
Jeffie's current intro music ("Wake Me Up Before You Go Go") played on the
electronic keyboard and he arrived. Lance kept doing impressions of metal
musicians and wrestlers (Triple H for example)... Jeffie was confused by
this. He said something was wrong with Lance and that he was acting strange
again. The rest of the show consisted of many brawls and beat downs between
Jeffie and everyone else. Jeffie kept hugging Joe, which kept leading to Joe
attacking Jeffie with Rick sometimes helping Joe. At the end of the show,
Jeffie and Joe got into one final brawl. When Joe had Jeffie down Rick told
Joe that he should give Jeffie a golden Shower. Joe took the suggestion. And
then Jeffie apparently according to the play by play and running commentary
of the action, grabbed Joe's um, well, what the golden shower would've
issued forth from :) Jeffie denied that any of it happened.  It was quite an
active night. Lance had reappeared and seemed to have recovered from his
trauma caused by seeing Jeffie naked the week before...

On The Last Exit: David from the band Lotus Project was back as co-host
after several weeks absence. Just Joe was not there and nobody knew where he
was. They concluded that he was dead, or at least for that week as Just Joe
never stays dead for long no matter how hard they try or how creative they
are in their efforts to kill him. Or perhaps he did something stupid enough
to get him arrested again. And don't forget, everyone who hasn't done so
already should go to the web site, www.thelastexit.org and vote in the poll
asking what you like best about the show... 
_______________________________________

August 13

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was, as usual, not there, and, he will
not be there this coming week either, as he is performing at a very special
event with the one and only Dr. Demento! Good for Shoebox! Perhaps he really
is a big rock star (well, he is big - in girth :) . Congratulations to him!
Hey, that's how Weird Al Yankovic got started :) "Wake Me Up Before You Go
Go" played on the electronic keyboard and Jeffie Arrived. He seemed a bit
confused (even for him), he kept saying that he had had a rough day. He said
that that suddenly there had been a bunch of bananas in his pants, and he
didn't know how they got there, or who had put them there. He seemed quite
concerned about this, not because he minded the bananas being in his pants,
he liked that, but because wanted to know who had done it so they could put
mores bananas there in the future. However, throughout the night, he kept
saying that there were even more bananas in his pants and he still didn't
know how they were getting there. He first thought that maybe aliens were
doing it, then thought Rick had done it while they were brawling. Jeffie was
also ecstatic because he had brought with him the new Mortiis CD and gave it
to them to play. They said they would play it, but if it sucked, they would
kick his ass. After they played it, Joe actually said he had liked it. But
Rick said it sucked. Rick attacked Jeffie and they brawled. Jeffie actually
managed surprisingly to get in some offense in this brawl, and shoved Rick
into the hallway. Joe joined in and he and Rick beat on Jeffie. Next, while
Jeffie was reading a story, he got it into his head that Joe was choking and
that he would give him the Heimlich maneuver and save his life. Then he said
that he was going to save Joe's life every remaining talk break. Well, You
know, with old people you have to be vigilant about these things. You never
know, they could just drop at any second. But perhaps Joe is so old that he
is tired of living because he violently fought all of Jeffie's helpful
attempts to save his life. And that's how the show ended, with the two of
them still fighting noisily after Jeffie's last life saving efforts...

On The Last Exit: David was gone as co-host again (back to New Jersey. Why?
No one can imagine what reason you could possibly have for going back there,
but, that's where he was). Just Joe was back after being gone the week
before. No word on why he hadn't been there, but, if he had been dead, he
was alive now.. Gorgar was also back after a week absence. Now, the show
started off quietly enough... But then Azkath got the idea that Just Joe was
losing his Extremeness and becoming quiet and docile. He told Just Joe this
and told him that he should prove somehow that he was still Extreme setting
examples of things JJ had done in the past like getting killed and
attempting (and failing always) to kill other co-hosts. After that,
everything fell apart and spun out of control very quickly.. Gorgar was the
first to fall victim to the chaos. First, they claimed that they had all
witnessed him touching Just Joe's ass, which he strongly denied. Then Just
Joe was attempting to kiss poor Gorgar. Next Friend showed up (he hadn't
been seen for several weeks. The last we'd heard from him, was when he
abducted Handy). Tonight Friend seemed very hostile for some reason. He kept
screaming "Just Joe, no Friend!" and " I hate Just Joe!". Well, don't we
all? :) (apparently Friend's vocabulary just seems to keep expanding by a
couple new words all the time). Friend kept attacking Just Joe. They fought
brutally. Just Joe's little yellow chair kept being used as a weapon and
flying around as did a hat with a fish on it that Just Joe was wearing for
some reason (they were trying to find the steel chair to use on Just Joe,
but, for the time being, it was lost). Then Azkath joined in the brawl as
well to try and put down Just Joe. Just Joe actually managed to put Azkath
down for a couple minutes (it seemed to be the weekend for strange
occurrences like that, first Jeffie with Rick, and now this). Just Joe said
that he was taking over, and that it was his show now. He did start playing
some music, (no doubt trying to get Elf played, or perhaps Triumph) but this
was to be very short lived.. Azkath came back and took control again after
beating on JJ some more. Then there was more brawling with JJ and the still
very hostile Friend. Friend locked JJ out, and then began tormenting
everyone else, subjecting them to Friendings. They thought JJ was gone, but
then realized they had a problem. If Friend opened the door to leave (which
everyone very much wanted him to do, leave, that is), then Just Joe would
probably get back in. What to do, what to do?! They told Friend that he
could probably sneak past JJ.. Finally Friend opened the door and, alas, JJ
did in fact return. So, it was quite a chaos filled and frantic night. Not
so sure if it was a good idea to try and bring back Just Joe's extreme side
or not. :) Perhaps more thought should be put into things before you ask for
them :) It was all highly amusing...And, remember to vote in the poll asking
what you like most about the show if you haven't already done so... 
__________________________________________________

August 20

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was performing at a show with Dr.
Demento, as I said last week, and thus was not present at MO. Kudos again to
him! Jeffie's intro played and he arrived. He was still concerned because he
said that he kept finding more and more bananas in his pants, and could
never remember anything from just before each new occurrence. He was happy
because he liked that the bananas were there, but really wanted to know how
they were getting there or who was putting them there.. Jeffie had only just
got there and he and Lance started fighting right away.. Jeffie said that
Lance was mean to him and that he was sick of Lance kicking the crap out of
him all the time..  When the others pointed out to him that they all do
that, he said that it was different with Lance. He said that Momo was built
to beat the crap out of people. But, that Lance was a poser and a pretty boy
who thought he was sooo special with his looks and pretty long hair. Lance
and Jeffie started fighting using the electronic keyboard as a weapon
(congratulations to whoever built that keyboard! They must've done a really
good job for it to still be playing so well after all the abuse the poor
thing has taken. Probably foreign made). Jeffie hit Lance over the head with
the keyboard, and then Lance was silent. When they asked what was going on,
Jeffie reported ecstatically that he had knocked Lance out. He then locked
the door, and turned off the lights, and said laughing maniacally that he
had a big surprise for Lance. When Lance came to, all his long hair was gone
and he had a new short haircut.. Jeffie was laughing triumphantly saying
that he had cut off Lance's hair and thus stripped him of all his strength
and power (a modern day Sampson and Delilah?). The others were all sure that
Lance would be furious and kill Jeffie which they were all looking forward
to. But, to everyone's utter amazement, including Jeffie's, Lance seemed to
be very pleased with his new look. He praised Jeffie (I think that was the
first time anyone had ever praised Jeffie for anything) saying that Jeffie
had actually done a good job and should consider becoming a hair dresser and
thanking him! No one could not believe what they were hearing. They kept
asking Jeffie what else he had done to Lance besides cutting his hair..
Jeffie seemed as taken aback as anyone else insisting that that was all he
had done, and that Lance was not supposed to be happy about it. So, since
Lance liked his short hair, Jeffie decided to make him have long hair again.
He tried to put his blonde wig on Lance. Lance did not like this, probably
fearing that the wig had spent a lot of time in Jeffie's pants, where most
of Jeffie's possessions have spent much time.. Jeffie and Lance brawled,
and, alas for Jeffie, losing his hair did not seem to take away any of
Lance's strength as he beat the crap out of Jeffie once again. So, I guess
all of Jeffie's efforts were in vain and he only succeeded in making Lance
happy. Then the rest of the show was brawls between Jeffie and Joe... Jeffie
kept taking it on himself to save Joes's life again. And again Joe
apparently did not want to live. They had many fights, at one point Joe
threw up on Jeffie, and at another point, the fight progressed up the
stairs, and, since Jeffie can not go upstairs, he, of course, came flying
down. Then Joe accused Jeffie of breaking his leg.. Jeffie kindly tried to
give Joe a leg massage to make up for hurting it. An ungrateful Joe and
Jeffie had one last brawl and that was the show...

On The Last Exit : David was back as co-host after getting smart and leaving
New Jersey where, for some unfathomable reason, he had been the week before.
The Penguin was back, and Gorgar was there as well. Just Joe, however, was
not there. Now normally, and especially after what transpired last week,
this would be good news. But Just Joe called to inform them of the reason
for his absence. After Azkath had told Just Joe that he was no longer
extreme, and that he needed to become extreme again, and all the chaos that
that had led to. Well, now we found out that after that David told Just Joe
to become even more extreme. And since for some strange reason, David has a
lot of power over Just Joe. Just Joe said that he was not there because he
was plotting to become even more extreme, and apparently this plotting was
so intense that it was consuming all his time. But he promised that he in
all his new extremeness would be there next week which had everyone quite
concerned.. Oh, what has been unleashed!? The band Nonetheless was on for an
interview. They were there for about half the show. We got to hear their
music and learn about them. And they were all asked lots of those silly
questions, one of which led to an awesome event. After being asked the
question "What if there was an evil picnic basket, and the only way to
destroy it, was to sing a song about it?", The guitarist agreed to do just
that - make up a song about destroying an evil picnic basket. Along to
acoustic guitar, he made up and sang a song which lasted for several
minutes. It began being about the picnic basket, and then turned into a rant
about how much he hates bees, hornets, wasps, and all stinging insects.
Which, btw, I'll just throw in here, although I was not asked, is a
sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with! :) It was awesome and very funny.
Then they asked him to make up a song about Ian (The Yeti) who was also
there.. He made up and sang another song about Ian which also lasted several
minutes in which he made fun of Ian's khaki pants, his name, and other
things. Also cool and very funny. Then he did one last short song for
Jeremy, the lead singer of The Plank Boys, who was out on a boat somewhere.
Just as the band was preparing to leave, the singer made an insulting
comment. So Azkath said he had to kill him.. Azkath choke slammed the
singer. The singer was, apparently a glutton for punishment, because he made
some more insults, and got beat down some more. It was all very amusing and
the band was awesome! And so now we will have to wait and see what stupidity
and extremeness Just Joe has in store for us next week... 
_____________________________________________

August 27

On The Metallic Onslaught: Rather a quiet show for a change. Shoebox...
'nuff said (although, once again, congratulations go out to him for
appearing on national TV, VH1.. Big things really seem to have been in store
for the big mulleted man lately!) Jeffie was not there. Near the end of the
show The Demon Azkath made a special guest appearance on his way back from
attending the One / Diamond Tyr concert. He said that Jeffie had indeed been
there with him, and that he had just ditched him there without telling him
that he was leaving (evil Demon!) and so that he thought that Jeffie was
probably still there listening to whatever was going on there... However,
Jeffie may be getting a bit smarter than he's given credit for, because at
the next talk break, he arrived. Then again, maybe not, as the show was
ending and he seemed not to get that. They all praised his excellent timing
and told him that he needed to show up at exactly that time every week..
Jeffie still didn't get it as he thinks there is no show without him and it
only starts when he arrives. He offered to read a story and the show ceased
and the next programming started...But, who knows, maybe he stayed there and
went on reading stories and doing a show that unbeknownst to him was not
airing. That would be a very Jeffie thing to do...

On The Last Exit: David was once again there as co-host. Although, he is
much like Shoebox in his hosting duties as he has been absent often lately,
and, this time left rather early.. Although, perhaps that could be explained
as simply being smart because of Just Joe's behavior, more about which in a
moment. Ian The Yeti was also there, as was Gorgar.. Also there was
Stephanie aka Mynx who was there to promote the band Dope Stars Inc also
called DSI... And, as I mentioned above, Just Joe was indeed back as he had
promised / threatened he would be. He was asked about his claims that he had
become even more extreme...  Hardcore even... He insisted that he was, and
had extreme theme music to prove it. Then Just Joe and David took the giant
pants out for a walk to finally celebrate Take Your Pants For A Walk Day a
few weeks late. When they returned they were asked to report on their
adventures. Apparently they got yelled at and told they should be ashamed of
themselves for exploiting drunks. Cool. Then Just Joe was told to prove his
claims of extremeness. Probably not the wisest thing to do. He defied David
proving that apparently David no longer has power over him, who knows if
this is permanent or not. Scary thought if no one can control him! JJ
started abusing David and David said he was leaving...Then JJ turned his
abuse on Ian. They fought. Azkath tossed both of them around.  Just Joe's
newest strange possession to go along with Cuppy, his rubber lizard, his
little yellow chair, and his hat with a fish on it, was, on this night, a
little dinosaur. No, not Gorgar, although he is a dinosaur. No, this was a
little plastic dinosaur. Ian had become traumatized again and said he was
leaving as well. Just Joe said that Ian couldn't leave. He was going to take
Ian outside and either pee on him, or hose him down.  Ian went into his own
little world and started playing with the dinosaur, which had been sitting
on one of the monitors, realizing that nothing good was ahead of him.
Azkath grabbed the little dinosaur (Oh, the thoughts that spring to mind
with that sentence! Supply your own joke here!) :) He then tossed it to Just
Joe, and this distracted him.  He can be easily distracted as he is not too
bright, thus allowing Ian to escape. JJ was happy with his new toy, though.
Later Azkath told JJ that he had a surprise for him. He went outside to get
it. He came back, sneaked up on JJ while JJ was talking with Gorgar, and
clobbered him with a really big thick block of Styrofoam.. Then Azkath and
JJ had a long protracted brawl which Gorgar provided the play by play and
commentary for. It involved several weapons, the Styrofoam, a chair, a pin..
JJ took many brutal chair shots. Then they told JJ that he should climb
Stephanie/Mynx to prove his extremeness, as she had earlier said he could
not possibly be a threat to her or cling to her. That lead to yet another
long protracted brawl with many new weapons, JJ was once again the victim of
brutal shoe shots. Not a small wooden Penguin shoe this time, but
Stephanie's big black shoes. Stephanie's handcuffs were also  used as a
weapon in the mix. They were hoping JJ would get locked into the cuffs, and
tried to trick him into that.. That never happened, but, JJ did get hit with
them. Then JJ brawled with everyone there. Despite everyone's best attempts
to kill Just Joe with many different objects, he stubbornly remained alive
although he took a hell of a beating as did everyone else. It was a very
violent and, well yes, extreme night...So, we will have to wait and see if
this new extreme JJ insists on persisting... 
_______________________________________________

September 3

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox.. Yeah, right :p Everyone was hoping that
Jeffie would take their instructions and show up at 2 A.M. when the show
would be ending...But Jeffie showed up much earlier than that to their great
disappointment. He did say that he had indeed stayed there last week doing a
show all by himself (a show that sounded amazingly like The BBC News). :) He
said though that it wasn't much fun doing the show all alone, that it was
lonely. Lonely? Getting the crap beaten out of you all the time? Only a mind
like Jeffie's could work that way. Lance did not arrive until almost the end
of the show.. Jeffie claimed that this was because Lance had finally
excepted the truth (the according to Jeffie, that is) that his new short
hair sucked, and that thus he was hiding at home until it grew out again..
(actually it was because Lance had been attending a concert.) They told him
it was a good thing for him that Lance wasn't there to hear him say that,
because he would kick his ass.. Jeffie said that was not true and then
discovered that Lance had just arrived. Lance still liked his new look, but
told Jeffie that, although he had done a good job with the haircut, he still
sucked in all other ways.. Jeffie and Lance fought. The rest of the night
consisted of long drawn out brawls which stemmed from Jeffie's ever vigilant
attempts to make sure Joe stays alive.. Jeffie, Joe and Rick were all
involved in the skirmishes, which on this night, often seemed according to
the commentary, to become rather "dirty!" to borrow one of Joe's and Rick's
often used words. They could not bring themselves to fully describe what it
looked like was going on from the commentary booth's perspective...Everyone
was thoroughly grossed out, except for Jeffie of course. And that's how
things ended, with all that action...

On The Last Exit: Before I get to this past weeks show, let me mention
something from the week before...In my attempts to try and recapture and
recount all of the extremeness and action and chaos of the show (Which was
no easy task, as so much went on) I made an major oversight and neglected to
mention one very important occurrence! Right at the beginning of the show,
An extremely upset Friend called in, and apparently he has learned 2 more
new words.. "I quit!" which he kept saying and then urging them to "Kill
Just Joe!". Which, as I recounted everyone spent the whole night trying to
do with many different kinds of weapons, but to no avail. So, it would
appear that Just Joe, despite all his stupidness, had managed to accomplish
what so many have tried and failed to do over the years...Get rid of Friend!
But, this week a still very irate Friend came into the chatroom (yes, as
hard as it is to believe, Friend can type, actually better than he can talk.
He actually used a couple complete sentences. One of which was "I am
planning a return." However, the bulk of his conversation consisted of this:
"Kill Just Joe!" Kill Just Joe!" Kill Just Joe!" Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Ha, well, you get the idea). So, I think
we may not have seen the last of Friend after all despite everyone's great
hopes. Now, on to the rest of last weeks goings-on: David pulled another
Shoebox and was not present as co-host again. However, someone was there
whom we hadn't heard from in a long time. Rub M'Groin! A guy named Way
(which lead to many "No, Way! Way! No Way!" jokes by Rub) was on to talk
about Muse Fest.. Which is occurring From Sept 3 through Sept 5, and will
have lots of cool bands from metal and lots of other genres most from the
local area.. www.musefest.org is the site where you can download your free
ticket. Next the band River Chicken called in for an interview. They are
cool and will be visiting the show in a few weeks. Just Joe was there and
was his usual annoying self. But he was not as extreme as he had been the
week before...The whole show was calmer and quieter.. And, as the night
progressed, we learned the probable reason for that...The air conditioner at
the station was not working like it should. And as the night went on it kept
getting hotter and hotter in there. So, this probably took away everyone's
energy so that they couldn't fight... By the end of the night it had gotten
so bad (it was up to 95 degrees and seemed to be quickly and creepily rising
higher all the time) that Just Joe actually passed out. So, maybe the heat
managed to accomplish what all the violence the week before could not,
killing Just Joe. We shall see ..A very dazed and out of it sounding Azkath
said that he did not feel right or well.. "It's just too hot" he said and
that was the last we heard from him or anyone else that night. Odd, you
would think that demons would be used to extreme heat, having visited with
Satan in Hell..:) So, we shall see if and/how well they have recovered and
if the heat problem has been solved. And, before his being overcome with
heat exhaustion, Azkath did say that Crappy The Clown will be on this coming
weeks show...Cool! Can't wait for that... 
__________________________________________________

September 10

On The Metallic Onslaught: Wonder Of wonders! Shoebox was actually present
and on the air! However, it was not at the show where he is officially a
co-host...There, he was, as always, absent. So, more about him later...Back
to MO...The show was, after Jeffie got there, of course, mostly consisting
of long violent and again, according to those trying to call the action,
"dirty!" looking brawls...It once again all got started with Jeffie deciding
that Joe's life needed saving and Joe's strong disagreement with this...They
fought and Rick and Lance were involved at intervals...In these brawls, as
has been the case a couple times on The Last Exit, shoes were used as
weapons...First Joe lost one shoe in the scuffle,...He then hit Jeffie in
the face with it and crammed it into his mouth as well..Jeffie reported that
it smelled "really really bad!". Later, Lance also lost a shoe while
fighting with Jeffie, which also became employed as a weapon...As Just Joe
has found out, beware of shoes! Well, anyone who has seen the movie "Single
White Female", will realize what affective and dangerous weapons shoes can
be. :) If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about. If not, go
rent it, it's cool. (end of plug here) :) Joe has a cell phone which has as
it's ring tone Ozzy Osborne's Crazy Train..  Jeffie got this phone while he
and Joe were struggling...Jeffie kept putting the phone in his pants..He
liked this a lot especially when it rang as it vibrates..One of the guys
from the band Self Made Hate called Joe a couple times then to Jeffie's
delight..The Show ended with brawls still in progress...

On The Last Exit: Now back to Shoebox...Can you believe it? He was actually
there!! Along with Crappy The Clown! Ooo scary! Shoebox talked about his
appearance on VH1, and updated us on the scarily soon coming of his spawn.
Crappy was there to announce an upcoming benefit concert for the father of a
local personality who is suffering with cancer..The concert will feature
Doctor Dirty a very raunchy and funny comic singer, who has not performed in
the area for quite some time. Should a cool event and is for a very good
cause. It will be on Thursday, September 23rd..  www.crappytheclown.com is
Crappy's web site. And, since I gave his, I must now be sure to give
Shoebox's a plug, even though he is the master at constantly plugging
himself (insert your own dirty thought there) :) www.wormquartet.com is his
site, where you can purchase his most recent CD "Faster Than A Speeding
Mullet" along with a lot of other WQ merchandise. Crappy and Shoebox both
answered a brand new batch of those crazy questions from
www.theinsanedomain.com And they sang some very funny acoustic duets.
Hilarious! The first half of the show was extremely crowded...In edition to
Crappy and Shoebox, David saw fit to put in an appearance as co-host. And
Just Joe was there annoying everyone as usual. And for a bit Rahul from
Ithaska was there too. Rahul molested Shoebox's nipples, and Just Joe hugged
Shoebox..This crowd was there for about half the night, then things became
quieter toward the end, which is also nice..And, if you saw Shoebox's
feature on the VH1 show Obsession, go to the Last Exit web site
www.thelastexit.org and vote in the new poll which is all about that... 
___________________________________________

September 17

On The Metallic Onslaught: Important statement concerning this show! Rick...
Was There! A second important announcement... Joe And Lance were also there!
As highly unusual as that is, it's nonetheless true, and I hope it was
documented on tape for proof as I'm sure no one would believe it otherwise.
Another extremely rare and hard to believe occurrence which was also
true...Shoebox was not there! Jeffie was late, but eventually did show up to
the great disappointment of everyone else. They had gotten their hopes up
when it looked like he might not be there. Jeffie had brand new intro music,
at least, for this night (the beginning of that old song by Blue Sweed,
"Hooked On A Feeling", the one with all the "ooka shoka ooka shokas). Jeffie
said he was late because he had attended the band Crisis's concert and had
been rockin' out there. I'm sure the band was thrilled by that. Soon after
his arrival Jeffie said he was a cop and that he was going to frisk Lance.
He told Lance to "Spread 'em" and tried to pat him down. This, of course
lead to a brawl between Lance And Jeffie..Later, after Rick had gone, (I did
mention that he was there didn't I??) Jeffie for some reason became a Rick
impostor, Talking like him and using some of the words and phrases that he
uses, and saying the names of Rick's favorite bands. They asked him what the
hell was wrong with him, and he kept insisting that he was Rick..Then
suddenly he became Jeffie again and said he was back..Jeffie then proceeded
to try to hug and cuddle with Joe, and to try and sit on his lap, and to get
his cell phone again (so he could put it in his pants again, no doubt)..
This, of course, lead to a brawl between Joe and Jeffie..On this night, as
on the week before, shoes once again were used as weapons on Jeffie..The
show ended with Lance asking Joe if Jeffie was passed out on the floor
again, and Joe saying that, yes, he was...And that was the show..Oh, and did
I mention that Rick, Joe, and Lance were indeed there?

On The Last Exit: The ever faithful co-host David was, once again,
absent..Just Joe was there along with Ian (The Yeti), and a couple new
people who don't really have names yet.. :) A terrible fate, err, I mean, an
adventure was decided upon for Just Joe..They covered him completely, and I
do mean head to toe, with stickers and then sent him along with Ian out for
a walk (minus the giant pants this time), telling him to report on his
experiences when he returned...Now, actually, Just Joe came back very
happy...It seems apparently being covered with stickers is an attraction for
girls (take note guys!) as girls kept posing with Just Joe and hugging him
(although the guys called him gay, but that was probably because they were
upset that all the girls were paying so much attention to him). As all this
attention from girls (well, positive attention that is, unlike the ones who
are hitting him with their shoes) is very unusual for Just Joe, he said that
this had actually been one of the greatest nights of his life...However, his
happiness quickly faded when he was informed that the stickers now needed to
be removed and that their were those present who would be more willing to
kindly assist him with that, as slowly and drawn out as possible (to
maximize, err, I mean minimize the pain as much as possible of course). :p
After the torments that Just Joe has put Ian through in the past, Ian took
great pleasure in helping to de-sticker Just Joe..The screams of agony Just
Joe let out were truly something to behold and went on for quite some
time..But they were not through with him yet..After the pain of having the
stickers removed was over, Azkath beat down Just Joe for awhile and gave him
some more chair shots as well. So, it was quite a night especially for Just
Joe..Quite possibly simultaneously one of the best and worst nights of his
life. :) And so that was LE for last week...This coming week, both the bands
The Pushrods and River Chicken (who will be doing a concert earlier that
night) should be stopping by the show. They are both cool bands, I'm sure it
will be a fun show as always... 
______________________________________________

September 24

On The Metallic Onslaught: Despite claiming that he would be there, Shoebox
was (big surprise) in fact not there. Everyone else however, and this is
extremely important, was! When Jeffie got there he claimed that he was the
one who was responsible for Shoebox's absence this time. (all the other
times, who knows?) Jeffie said that he had glued Shoebox to his seat, and
that he was still stuck there. Jeffie then went on to say that he had a fun
surprise coming up for Lance...He said that they were going to have lots of
fun with glue. A few minutes later Joe tried to take a call from Jeffie but
there was no sound on the phone (either because Joe is too old and senile to
use a phone correctly, or because Jeffie is too stupid to place a phone call
correctly, or, most likely, both.) But, a few more minutes later, Joe was on
the phone again, saying that Jeffie had promised that he would be on the
phone. Now then, why would Joe even try to take a promised call from Jeffie?
Once again, must be senility. At first there was again no sound...Then,
Lance's voice was heard sounding far away and saying that he needed help..
Jeffie also could be heard laughing. It took a minute to determine what was
going on but it did not sound good for Lance. Then the details emerged. It
seems that they were upstairs (I don't know how Jeffie actually managed to
get upstairs. Perhaps the strange force that prevented him from reaching the
top of the stairs has finally weakened or gone, but, at any rate, that's
where they were) and Jeffie had glued Lance to a chair and he was stuck
there. Joe and Rick went to help. In the attempts to free Lance, Lance's
pants got ripped off. Then Jeffie decided that since Lance was pantless, he
would remove his pants as well. Which he did to everyone's great dismay. The
next talk break, Lance had found a pair of pants to put on, but Jeffie,
unfortunately, was still without his. After having impersonated Rick last
week, this time Jeffie claimed he was Joe for a bit, using some of his words
and phrases and making cracks about being old. Then he was Jeffie again and
was trying to get Joe's cell phone again (even though he was not wearing
pants to put it into.) Joe turned the phone off, but Jeffie did manage to
get it, but could not figure out how to turn it on so it could vibrate. The
next break Jeffie somehow managed to glue Joe to a chair. In trying to free
himself, Joe ripped his pants badly as well. There were actually more
pantsless people there than there ever were on any No Pants holiday which
was only ever observed by Jeffie. Then at the final talk break, Jeffie
somehow managed to trick Lance into sitting down on a chair which he had
covered with glue again..Then Joe glued Jeffie to a chair (as Jeffie was
still not wearing pants, it was skin to chair.) Then Joe also sat down on a
chair that had been, you guessed it, also covered in glue..So, now everyone
(although Rick was most definitely there, he left early and thus was spared
being glued and de-panted) was stuck fast. In his attempts to wrench himself
free, (not apparently caring if he ripped all his skin off..Although his
ripped off parts regenerate quickly, so maybe that's why), Jeffie got his
chair tipped over on top of him, and was trapped..He wanted help but Joe and
Lance were too busy trying to free themselves, not that they would've helped
him anyways. No one knew what to do now..So, maybe they all spent the week
stuck there, although, just as they were going off the air, Joe gave one
more mighty effort...There was another ripping sound, and Lance said "Joe,
are you free?". But that was the last thing that was said by anyone, so, who
knows? We shall have to wait and hear how they all made out... 